Rebecca’s Tale

Posted on

Once upon a time, there lived a little girl who longed to move to the City. When she grew up, that’s just what she did. For many happy years she lived in the Big Apple and was wild and crazy. Then, the girl got married and bought a house in the Burbs. This is where our story starts…


“Oh, I wonder what this package could be! I love presents!”


“Ha Ha! You’re so funny, Uncle David! Always wrapping stuff in tool boxes. Hehee!”


“Er. Um. What’s this? Honey, what is this? I’ve never seen anything like this before.”


“It is a sander.”


“Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do with a sander?!?!”


“You sand with it.”


“OMG! A sander? They got me a sander? My husband won’t let me use a sander! I don’t use power tools! My family is nuts!”

Hours later…


“A sander?”

THE END.


Anya’s Tale

Posted on

Mama and Daddy didn’t think we were gonna go anywhere for Christmas, so they let me open my presents one a night.

They changed their minds, though, when they realized all the great photo ops they’d miss. So, Mama and I ran around town getting nutty bars for the long drive up North and doing some last minute gift shopping. Mama let me pick out gifts for all the folks on Daddy’s side of the family. I found some really great stuff at Family Dollar! Mama re-wrapped all my presents, so I’d have some to open. Silly Mama!

After Daddy came home from work, we hopped in the car and drove and drove all the way to Grandma Diane’s house. We slept a long time and then woke up and opened LOTS of presents! The paparazzi was there, and they took lots of pictures. Most of them were of me, of course.

I was really bummed ’cause Daddy told me there would be lots of snow, and we brought my snowsuit, but there was just RAIN. Hmfp. We still had fun, but one day I do want to see those mountains of snow Daddy told me about.

On the way home, we stopped at this thing called an “Outlet Mall.” Mama and Daddy were giggling with glee and bought some more FiestaWare (cereal bowls), and they also seemed pretty happy about the new glass storage containers they got to replace those icky plastic ones.

Whew. It was a long trip, but pretty neato. Here are some pictures the paparazzi were going to sell to the tabloids, but apparently the tabloids aren’t interested in babies unless they have two heads or movie star parents. Oh well.


“They make BREAD out of BEER?!?!”


“I don’t know why they are called clothespins. They should be called cookiebagpins.”


“Hey, Mama! Isn’t Santa awesome? He brought me this really neat ball that makes lots of noise and blinks!”


“Yeah, I only take a bath once a week. I don’t think deodorant is gonna do much for me.”


“I think you must be mistaken; these pearls are mine.”


“Daddy, Daddy! It’s going to eat my toes!!”


“HA HA HA HA! It’s a sander!”