Last night, Andy and I were discussing what we could give folks for Christmas. One person we know, who shall remain anonymous, is really uptight and could use a chill pill. As we sat in the living room pondering gift ideas, Andy noticed that one of the “Special Deals of the Day” at amazon was a fancy-schmancy vibrator.

I said, “We should totally get X a vibrator.”

Mom and Dad were surprised amazon sold them. (Didn’t I mention my parents were there, too?)

Andy said, “Yeah, there are tons of them. Let’s see.”

So, Andy did a search on vibrators and pulled up the previously mentioned tons. He started remarking on some of the more interesting ones. “This one is a bunny. This one is ribbed for your pleasure. Hey, there’s a jumbo deluxe kit! And, ooo! Look at this one — it’s the Super Duper Model. It’s black!”

Dad jumped up and said, “I want to look too!” He went and got his computer and started looking at amazon’s vibrator section. Soon, he and Andy were browsing the entire adult section, and they continued to announce to the room their findings. “Look, here’s undies with a vibrator built right in! And a remote! We could give the undies to X and the remote to her SO! HAHAHAHAHA! Look at this book about which knots work best for bondage!”

Andy got bored eventually, but Dad kept browsing the list of items. Every 15 minutes (Andy timed it), my dad would announce an item: “Butterfly Crotchless Thongs!”

It was a bit odd to keep having my dad talking about this sort of thing, so I employed my newly found parenting skill of redirection.

“Hey Dad, do a search on wood sushi!”

“Sushi? You don’t like sushi.”

But he couldn’t resist. He searched for wooden sushi and came across the really cool wooden play food I’d been oogling all week. Dad kept up the announcements, but at least now it was stuff like, “Wooden sandwich set! Wooden birthday cake!”

Here’s what Anya had to say about all this: