A Modest Proposal

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This weekend I went to a scrapbook convention with some fellow crafters. The whole weekend, I couldn’t help myself from pondering ideas to make the convention better. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

  • Buy one pass, get one free. Bring an enabler friend! It’s a proven fact (based on my two days of uber-scientific research) that crafters buy more when they are with a friend. “Oooo! Look at these turtle stickers, Jane! Haven’t you always wanted a turtle? Maybe you’ll get one someday, and then you can scrap it and use these great stickers!” I personally recommend if you bring a friend, you bring a friend who has more spending money than you do. Then you can live vicariously through that person and then borrow that friend’s neato dealieboppers later.
  • IMG_1789

  • Free bra sizings. I’m not sure what it is, but there seem to be a large number of scrapbook ladies in need of a bosom boosting bra. (I blame this observation on being forced to watch “What Not to Wear” in the hotel room.)
  • Better concessions. There was not one single place in that convention hall selling Krispy Kreme donuts OR cotton candy. What the heck? You want me to stick around on the vendor floor longer? I need better snacks. Or better yet, how about a bunch of hot, topless dudes walking around with free drinks, M&Ms, and Stickles?
  • Wider selection of classes. I’m not interested in sitting with a bunch of other people and putting together a page kit. What about “101 Ways to Distract Your Kids So You Can Scrap,” or “Scrapbook Yoga (so you are limber enough to reach waaaaaaaaay back into your craft closet for that gadget you REALLY need to finish your project),” or “What the Bleep Do I Do With All These Chipboard Mini-Albums?”
  • IMG_1793

  • Support groups. Scrapping is not all Jolies and glitter. It’s time we join together and let ourselves be free from the guilt of being ten years behind on our books! It’s time we shout out to the world that these are OUR books, and we don’t have to put photos of mean relatives in them anymore! It’s time that we shrug off the weight of struggling for color-coordinated, camera friendly outfits on family vacations! Together, we can break these shackles and head out onto the vendor floor unburdened by all but the ten pounds of patterned paper we couldn’t live without!
  • I’m still working on the list. When I’m done, I’ll send it off to the event organizers and report back to you.


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