Hey Mom! I’ve got your thermos, and I’m holding it hostage! If you want to see your thermos ever again, you must answer my demands. Here is what you must do: Bring a 20 pound bag of Vidalia onions to Loafkeeper Farm on or before my next birthday. You must not come alone. If you do not bring Dad, Bubba, and Chewey with you, the deal is off!

Just so you know I’m not kidding, here is a picture of your beloved thermos. See all that singed grass around it? Your thermos will be next if you don’t do what I say.