Day 11: Continued 114 | Needlework | Cross-Stitch | Wall Hanging.

This morning Anya said she didn’t want to go to school. She didn’t like school. She wanted to stay home.

“Do you like your friends?”
Yes.
“Do you like your teacher?”
Yes.
“Do you like singing?”
Yes.
“Do you like art?”
Yes.
“Do you like yoga?”
Yes.
“Do you like dress up?”
Yes.
“Do you like story time?”
Yes.
“Do you like playing outside?”
Yes.
“Do you like blocks?”
No.
“So you like everything about school except for blocks?”
Yes.
“Maybe you could go and just not play with the blocks?”
Okay.

I’m glad no one will be able to see the back of #114. Stupid knots. I said, “You will not beat me, knots!” And then I just sort of left the knots there, hanging around on the back of the piece. Getting in my way? Yes. Beating me. No. I’ve done 1.8 leaves so far. I figure at this rate, I will finish this piece by the end of October. That is not going to work. I need some completed-project gratification. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll work on 146 | Craft | Handicraft | Jewelry. I have a project in mind that I should be able to finish in one evening — something easy, cheap, and gift worthy.

Day 10: Started work on 114 | Needlework | Cross-Stitch | Wall Hanging.

Is this boring yet?

Not for me, at least. So that’s good. Sorry about the lack of cute kid photos. She is still both cute and a kid, but there haven’t been a lot of photo ops lately. Plus, it’s hard to take pictures with a cross-stitch needle in one hand.

I started my next project today, and in some ways it is easier than the last (all one stitch), but it’s also harder (have to actually count). This is more the cross stitch I remember from my youth. All sorts of knots in the threads, putting stitches in the wrong spot, misreading the color symbols, poking my finger with the needle. People keep wanting to know why I don’t jump to a different area if I dislike cross-stitch so much, but I figure I may as well get it over with.

I took my last project to scrapbook day on Saturday, and lots of folks told me about how much they like cross stitch and how it rocks. For me, cross-stitch is a lot like baseball. I don’t see the point. Cross-stitch, to me, is purely decorative. Mostly people seem to make wall hangings or pillows or Christmas ornaments. How many wall hangings / decorative pillows / ornaments does a person need? It’s like that scene from “Never Been Kissed,” where Drew Barrymore’s character is putting the finishing touches on a needle-worked pillow. She gets all excited as she snips the last thread and then carries the pillow into her room and puts in on her bed with the two dozen other needle-worked pillows. And then her turtle stares at her and wonders where its pillow is. But do turtles get pillows? No. They don’t. It’s just not fair.

You could counter with: “How many pairs of knitted socks does one person need?”

My reply: “People (who don’t live in Bermuda) need socks. And socks wear out. Or get lost in the dryer. Or are eaten by hungry Siamese cats left alone in your apartment while you go home for Christmas and your friend, who was supposed to feed him, gets super sick and misses a day or two of kibble.”

You might follow up with: “Have you ever knitted a pair of socks?”

My reply: “Do slippers count? Or a Christmas stocking? That’s like a really big sock.”

And then you stare at me thoughtfully and ask about the utility of a quilled turtle. “How are quilled turtles useful,” you say.

My reply: “Look! A bunny!”

In other news, Anya has started singing the following song bits:

– Take me out to the ball game…
– Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches!
– Find a friend and sit down on the floor…
– I’m a sea star, living in the sea, when I get hungry, for an ocean treat, I take my stomach out to eat. Sea star. Yah Yah Yah. Sea star. Yah Yah Yah.

Day 9: 117 is done.

In high school, I had these two friends, Bernadette and Cathy. Both had dark hair, played the clarinet, and were seniors. One day I was talking to someone, and I couldn’t remember if Bernadette or Cathy was the topic of my story. I said, “I can never tell those two apart. They are so much alike.” The person I was talking to said, “Cathy who?”

Turns out I had made up Cathy. She never existed. There was just Bernadette. As it happens, there is no evil cousin of the boss stitch, either (that I know of). There is a couched stitch and there is another stitch that is perhaps a distant step cousin three times removed, but even if I combined those two, I still wouldn’t have the second evil stitch I whined about. I did try, though. After all that agony, I decided to keep the pattern even though it is just as made up as Cathy.

But I am done.

A needle so sharp a diabetic could use it to check blood sugar and a pair of reading glasses later, and I was able to complete my third fair project.

For your viewing pleasure, here are all three. I decided secrecy about my entries wasn’t very much fun. Please note the button craft needs a pretty vase and some arranging.

Day 7: Tried the boss stitch again.

After two repeats, I had to pull out the scissors to make things right. Did you know the boss has a fraternal twin, the couched cross stitch? Of course, the couch is in this pattern, too. I’m feeling less enthusiastic about my plan as I ponder all the many cross-stitch categories ahead of me.

But in happier news, I spent ten un-interrupted minutes in the library looking at “Mommy Books” while the children’s librarian made sure my kid didn’t swallow any Legos. I collected a mountain of craft books, which I crammed into a giant bag that was so heavy I nearly had to drag it to the truck.

I’m glad Saturday is Crafty Day with my Crafty Friends. I plan to avoid Evil Cross Stitch the entire day. Of course, I am a bit of a craftomasochist, so who knows if that plan will be executed.

It’s Day 6, and #117 is kicking my butt. What was that I said before about how I can do anything if I just stick with it and am patient and blah blah blah? Yeah, well the me of yesterday never met The Boss. This cross-stitch stitch has me trying to stitch in the threads (or bars as I think of them) instead of the holes. What were they smoking when they thought that one up? I am pretty sure Aida put those holes in the fabric for a reason, people. The Boss does not respect Aida’s work, and I don’t want to play any reindeer games with The Boss.

Everyone always blames The Boss, don’t they?

I suppose I should be honest and say that I was trying to do The Boss in dim light while watching Glee in bed. And I was probably using a needle that is too big/dull. And I was eating skittles. And I didn’t have a nap today. But come on…it’s like trying to make a cake by pouring the batter around the outside of the pan. The Boss simply goes against the laws of nature.

Good thing I realized no one will notice if I alter the pattern. The Boss has been FIRED.

Walking up to the sign-in table at the fair last week, I bounced. I was so excited to have finally, finally, finally followed through and brought (not one, but two!) items to enter in the fair. I knew competition wouldn’t be too steep since our county is a small county. I’d seen the fair entries in years past and knew I’d probably only have a few competitors in my categories. I wasn’t prepared for the empty exhibit tables. Oh sure, there was a ton of photography thanks to the local camera club, and the horticulture exhibits had a decent number of items (relatively). There were even probably eight or ten knitted pieces. But, only one crocheted item. Two art pieces. No weird toothpick structures. No crazy leather wallets with butterflies stamped on. No burned wood plaques. And not a single baked good. Yup, you got it. No cookies, no banana bread, no cakes. What is that about?

After I registered my stocking and quilled flower, I got my assignment as co-judge of one of the categories. (I don’t want to say which one for fear of retribution by the angry people who didn’t get a blue ribbon. I was volunteering in my role as Master Gardener, in case you are curious.) As we were judging, I thought to myself that there wasn’t anything super amazingly stupendously difficult about 99% of the items I was seeing. Not to belittle the people who made them or their work…I’m not saying it is simple to take a beautiful photograph or put up a tasty jam. I’m saying that all of the categories at the fair are for things that most anyone can do at least average on with some effort and patience and stick-with-it-ness. So, where were all the entries?

Leaving judging night, I was hit with a burst of inspiration! Now, if you know me, you know I get crazy bursts of inspiration all the time that usually fizzle out pretty quickly. I figured this one would last maybe a week tops. But…well, okay, it hasn’t been a week yet, but still…I continue to be excited!

Okay, here it is… In the footsteps of weirdos like that Julia/Julie chick, I plan to enter every category in the fair next year (except the two senior categories and four of the six honey categories) and blog about it. There were 200 categories in the fair this year. I’m going to use the same list, and with my exceptions, that is 194 items to create. I’m on number three.

I’m already behind on recording my adventure, so here is a quick re-cap of the last few days:

Day 1 (Fair Day 2011): Went through this year’s list of categories, made an excel sheet to list them and when I should work on them, and started picking patterns for the crafts. (If the categories change next year, I guess I’m screwed.) Keys for pattern selection: easy enough to be able to do without spending weeks learning, simple enough list of materials that I won’t go broke, and nice enough that the final product is something I wouldn’t be ashamed to give as a gift (to someone I like, even).

Day 2: Completed entry for 157: Craft | Holiday Decorations | Christmas. Added start and end dates to the excel list, and put in today for this item. I felt a little silly working on my item (got some strange looks from Andy), but I also got a bit of a rush by having completed an item. It was easy (though I have made it before), used items on hand, and turned out pretty enough to give as a gift.

Day 3: Completed entry for 142: Craft | Handicraft | Button Crafts. I tried something new and felt proud. I’ve probably made a craft with buttons before, but I believe I was in the single digit ages at the time. It was easy, used items on hand, and turned out pretty enough to give as a gift.

Day 4: Began 117: Needlework | Cross-Stitch | Misc. Cross-Stitch. I could hardly wait for school/work to be over, so the kid and I could go to the local fabric/craft store and pick up cross-stitch supplies. I haven’t done this craft since I was about 12, and I remember sucking at it and hating it equally. I was nearly overwhelmed by all the threads and fabrics. Too bad the helper person I asked to help me was more like an un-helper person. But Anya and I figured it out, Anya picked a handful of DMC floss, I grabbed a hoop and some Aida cloth, and we were on our way. Alas, when I got home and reviewed my purchases, I realized the hoop I bought was so big my project (113: Needlework | Cross-Stitch | Christmas Item) would fall through it. Good thing I got supplies for two projects!

I started item 117 by reading up on cross-stitching and examining my pattern. Another “alas”…I didn’t read the fine print on the pattern and assumed my “easy” descriptor in my google search would have weeded out advanced-level projects. (HAHA! I have horrible google-fu.) I decided to give the project a whirl anyhow. It didn’t look too hard, and it turns out it isn’t. The pattern just uses a lot of different stitches, but if I take them slowly and follow directions, it’s no big deal. It was realizing this that I also realized how big an effect knitting has had on me. Knitting taught me that I can do lots of things if I just practice patience and perseverance and believe I can do it.

Day 5 (Today): Anya and I went back to the store and exchanged the hoop for one the correct size. We ignored un-helpful lady. Instead of nap-time, I let Anya play computer games while I finally started writing all this stuff down. Then, instead of nap time (still), Anya watch cartoons and I pulled out #117. I was about to get started when I realized I was working upside down. (Yes, for this particular project, the fabric has a top and bottom.) I grumbled. I snarfled. Then I wung it (winged it?…is wung a dirty word?), and just moved one pattern’s position and picked up where I’d left off but going in the correct direction.

I think this project is about half done. I’m not sure if I’d say it’s easy, but it isn’t hard. It didn’t cost all that much for the supplies (Maybe $5-6?). And I really like it. If I thought I’d use it, I’d keep it, but since I probably wouldn’t, it will make a cool gift.

Hey, guess what? I can do cross-stitch. Also, I think I lost about a million parenting points today.