Steve Irwin may have died, but his spirit lives on here at Loafkeeper Farm.

I had just gone into the bathroom to give Sana her fluids when I heard a shrill, girlish yelp from downstairs.

“Are you okay?”

“Snake!”

I was calm at first because….well, I was upstairs and the snake was downstairs and I didn’t really know if there was a snake at all or if Andy was just making it up because he’d gone batty from sniffing so much laundry detergent in his laundry orgy.

Then I started thinking about a snake. In the house. In the basement. Where my bed is. The bed where I sleep.

“A snake? Ummm…is it a big scary snake?”

“No, it’s a little baby snake but my freakish reflexes are too slow to catch it now that I am old.” (Okay, he didn’t really say it quite that way.)

As I sit on the bathroom floor, syringe in one hand and the other holding onto Sana…I picture Andy running around the basement chasing a snake and I realize he probably could use a little help. I hopped up and then paused and thought for a brief moment. AHA! I dashed into the bunny room, grabbed the bunny poop broom, dustpan, and trash can and raced down the stairs.

Well, not all the way down the stairs. I stopped a few steps up and timidly asked, “Um, where’s the snake?”

It had slithered under the big wooden chest and seemingly disappeared. I knew I had to act fast, so I sprinted down the last few stairs and flew across the room to the bed. Safe on my perch, I tossed the snake-catching tools to Andy.

Too bad I forgot the camera in my supply gathering spree. Luckily, Andy was not terribly adept at first with his weapons, so I had a chance to hightail it upstairs, grab the camera, and return to my safehaven towering high above the ground (pictured below during a more peaceful era).

Before reaching the bottom of the stairs, I once again paused for a status of the snake’s whereabouts.

Andy lost the snake.

“Where did it go?”

“Um…I don’t know. Maybe it went under the stairs?”

Images raced through my head of living in perpetual fear of Snakes on a Bed ™.

“Oo! I think it went into the bathroom!”

“Quick! Close the door!”

“Um, the door is closed. It went under the door.”

I ran on tip toes to the bed so I could watch. Andy flung open the door and swept the snake into the dust pan and then said, “QUICK! OPEN THE DOOR!” In the moment it too me to wave my hand at the garbage can I’d brought down, the snake squirmed off the dust pan, back onto the floor, and under the bookcase.

Andy brought in his backup.

Together, Andy and Buddy worked to herd the snake back out into the open. Alas, the snake was wiley, and when the boys weren’t looking, the snake slithered into MY PANTS!!!!!!!!

….which were on the floor waiting to visit the new washing machine.

The snake was in love with my pants. (After no washing machine for a week, I’m sure they smelled really fabulous!) The snake crawled all over my pants and wiggled in my pants and then…then…the snake crawled into my pocket! AHA! We had it trapped!

“Quick! Toss the whole thing into the trashcan!”

“It may jump on me!”

“Hurrrrry!”

The snake somehow got away and ran back under the bookcase. Buddy and Andy got into a huddle and planned their moves out. Moments later, the snake was in the trash can. Andy glowed with the triumph of kings! (Or possibly from the fumes of my smelly pants.)

We both peered down into the trashcan and Andy said quietly…awe in his voice…

“Crikey! Isn’t she a beaut?”