I have a confession to make: Last week I bought my daughter a Cinderella barbie for her birthday. (SHHHHHHH! Don’t tell her.)

Anya likes princesses. I’m not sure when it happened, probably during the millionth or so viewing of Snow White or Cinderella. I’m not too keen on the whole craze…especially all the Disney princess stuff. I don’t mind her watching the movies, but I don’t really like all the merchandise. A little is okay, but there is SO MUCH of it. You need something…shoes, towel, toothpaste, crayons, bananas, pick ax…you can probably find it with a Disney princess plastered on it. I especially despise that darn princess book they have at Home Depot. (Someone, please tell me why I can’t even be safe in a hardwarey store? Why, oh why do they have to carry glittery pink princess books and keep them at kid height and drive me nuts?)

So, last week Anya and I were out shopping together, and she made me go down every toy aisle, and she started grabbing all the dolls and oo’ing and ah’ing at them. Then, silly me, I show her the Cinderella doll and she was all YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOEIEIEIEIEIE OH YEAH WEHEEEHEHEHAHAHAHAH! Then she casually walked over to the cart, dropped the doll in, and kept walking. I think she thought that if she didn’t make a big deal about putting the doll in that I wouldn’t notice. It sort of worked because I didn’t have the heart to remove it, and I ended up buying the doll. I think she’s forgotten about it and hope she’ll be pleased to see it again in a few weeks.

Today we were back at the Depot. Or maybe it was Lowes. We go to both pretty much every weekend. I’m surprised Anya’s favorite colors aren’t orange and blue. I’d left Andy and Anya looking at riding lawnmowers (another of Anya’s favorite things, that and car magazines, which she likes to look at while on the potty…go figure) and was heading to the powder room. Coming towards me were two little girls with their parents. The girls were probably 5 or 6 and had on fake princessy jewelry and were carrying tiny stuffed dogs in tiny furry dog carriers. I thought how glad I was that Anya wasn’t there to see them because I was pretty sure she’d want both the jewelry and the dog stuff, and I had no desire to buy her either. Then I saw an end cap display with a bunch of Disney wall decals, and sure enough there was a huge Cinderella one. I hesitated for a moment, saw the $15 price tag, and kept walking. Then I felt bad. I knew Anya would love it…at least for a while, and $15 isn’t really that much, and what kind of meanie was I to not get it or plastic jewelry or fake froofroo dogs for her? Much deep thinking ensued.

I know if I give Anya a Snow White bedspread or a Sleeping Beauty nightie or a book with all the Disney princesses in it, she’ll squeal with joy and carry the stuff around and grin like a maniac. I also know that if I don’t give her those things, she’s still going to squeal with joy and grin like a maniac…she’ll just be carrying around a handful of freshly mown grass or a dandelion puff or a pile of ribbons instead. Her not having a ton of the former probably helps her have more fun with the later.

This may not seem like an epiphany to you, and in some ways it wasn’t to me, either. I knew this before. Just somehow it finally clicked: because I know something will make Anya happy and I can afford it doesn’t mean I need to give it to her or that I’m an evil grumpinator if I don’t.